Paul passed away shortly after 8:00 this morning. It was totally peaceful. I had slept right beside him on a roll-away, and Kelley was on the sofa about 5 feet away. He slept through the night. They tried to take his blood pressure shortly after 7 AM but were not able to get anything but he was still breathing his normal breathing. I reminded him that Kelley and I been with him through the night (Caleb had said he was okay not being there—we had no indication just how soon he might go—no profound changes when we called it a day at midnight) and that I was going to brush my teeth. I did that, and as I turned from the bathroom to speak with him again I noticed a pause in his breathing—I listened and there was just no more.
I had been contemplating going home to let the dogs out, or to call a neighbor who had offered or to call Caleb—so grateful I had not left—it would have been horrid not to have been there.
The Hospice people are just amazing. When I pushed the call button his nurse came immediately and listened for a heart beat but there was none. And then she asked if we would like to pray. She gave the most beautiful heartfelt prayer. I wish I could remember what she said because it was absolutely PERFECT and given in the name of Jesus Christ.
We were able to stay with him for as long as we wanted and we just felt such peace and awe at how peaceful he looked. Yesterday they had bathed him, shaved him, and put on a sort of gown that looked just like a v-neck shirt he would have worn to a show. Very natural.
Then we left the room as they prepared him for transport. Not sure what they did but when we walked back into the room they had laid a beautiful handmade quilt over him just like he was sleeping and had hung cute paper hearts over the door handle with a sweet verse. We walked with him from his room to transport.
It was so hard to say the final good bye but it needed to happen. We really did not want him to linger any longer and we had told him that we were going to be OK—we would miss him like crazy but his body just could not take any more—and he needed to get to see Grandma (his beloved Grandma who was the stability in his life and truly a lady without guile—he had called for her many times when he was still speaking—and two or three times when I asked if he could see her I said “yes”) and his buddies Ed (Fuller) and Boyd (Evans) and Cleo (another dear friend from years ago). I know he was welcomed with open,, loving arms.
I feel like we’re doing fine. We have soup for dinner. We’ll meet with Porter Funeral Home tomorrow (hooray for that funeral workshop we had a couple of years ago at church). We’re thinking the memorial service will be at the church at 11:00 on Wed. with a visitation beforehand. Not sure if we’ll also do one Tues. night or not. Paul had wanted his body to be donated to KU Medical School. After a year of study, they cremate and return the ashes to the family. So we know he wanted cremation. One of the ICU nurses had checked with KU and he did not meet the criteria for donation. We’ll have a dedication of the cemetery plot (not even purchased yet) later.
I think you know everything there is to know. There have been so many blessings in this experience not the least of these is to feel the love and have the prayers of so many dear friends. I hope you will forgive this impersonal way of sharing but I just could not go through telling each of you individually and I wanted you to know the whole story.
Love to each of you,
Billie
